Don’t Shoot the Messenger: Why Love Alone is Not Enough

by SMG

Two hammocks facing the water, inviting reflection on love, self-growth, and the intentional work it takes to make relationships thrive. Bocas Del Toro, Panama (photo credit: Black and Wanderlust)

Let me say this upfront: I am no expert. I write from experience—a real-life woman qualified because I’ve faced pain, struggle, and resistance, and I’ve chosen to transform my heart, mind, and life.

Pain and drama felt familiar. Joy, peace, and contentment were strangers I had to learn to know—and that required unpacking, reprogramming, and daily work.

As free-thinking individuals, we are physically and sexually drawn to whomever we desire. Attraction is attraction. Lust is lust. Those are easy, mechanical points of connection.

But “love is blind” or “you can’t help who you love”? Those are just cop-outs.

“Love is a muscle. It is built with practice and discipline. That is what we are really asking for when we seek unconditional love.”

Love Requires Self-Inventory

To truly experience love, even in small measure, we must first examine ourselves. Love asks us to show up differently. It demands reflection, accountability, and self-work that can leave us sitting in our proverbial mess.

Faith Lesson #1: Love Requires Intentionality

Love is prayerful, reflective, and aligned with God’s purpose. It grows when we intentionally show up differently every day. It requires accountability and daily practice—not just fleeting feelings or external circumstances.

Love is:

• Peeling back generational scars and grafting new skin.

• Questioning your conditioning and reprogramming your responses.

• Reparenting yourself and rebranding from the root.

• Setting a daily intention to succeed—not relying on wishes or advice from well-meaning friends or gurus.

“Love asks us to see others as God sees them. It reminds us that the adversary is outside of us, not within. Love is spiritual warfare, grounded in prayer, patience, and humility.”

Love is saying, “Ouch, that hurts,” and “I’m sorry,” over and over. Love is taking accountability when our triggers, haunts, or shadows spill over as avoidance or deflection. Love is failing, fumbling, and picking up our egos off the floor. Love is asking the tough questions, revisiting conversations, and holding space for varying degrees of truth.

Love is a muscle. It is built with practice and discipline.

Love Is Not Just Flowers and Rainbows

Love doesn’t just “happen.” It is not effortless or always joyful, though we wish it were.

If love were only easy, we could:

• Avoid doing our part in relationships.

• Blame external circumstances when things don’t work out.

• Abandon partnerships the moment they challenge us.

• Hide behind victimhood instead of embracing our God-given power to transform and manifest joy.

We all carry “stuff.” No one is without scars, blemishes, or tragic stories. Wherever we go, we bring ourselves. Examining our own growth through the mirror of our closest relationships allows us to show up better for those we love and for the next generation.

Faith Lesson #2: Daily Accountability is Sacred

Showing up consistently for yourself and others strengthens your relationships and your legacy. Love grows when we intentionally reflect, pray, and align our actions with God’s guidance.

“Wherever you go, there you are. Examine yourself in the mirror of your closest relationships and responsibilities.”

Legacy Matters

When I think about the legacy of teaching our children to form conscious, intentional, and lasting relationships, the commitment becomes easier. Passing down these principles is as valuable as life insurance or inheritance.

Our ancestors understood: stable, functioning families are precious. They are the foundation for wealth, wellness, and survival.

Choosing the right soul as a partner doubles the investment, opportunity, protection, motivation, and resources. Whom you love is one of the most important decisions of your life. It can mean the difference between merely surviving or thriving together.

Transformational Practice #1: Build Legacy-Level Love

1. Reflect 10–15 minutes daily on your triggers.

2. Journal one way you can show up differently tomorrow.

3. Practice gratitude for your partner and loved ones—even in small moments.

Daily Work, Daily Love

This kind of love is built in daily effort. It is not something you luck into or effortlessly manifest. It is beyond fleeting chemistry or emotions. It is deeper than flesh. It is bigger than us.

Hey, Black and Wanderlust, are you willing to do the daily work love requires—not just for your own growth, but for the legacy you leave behind? Comment below and share your insights with us.

#dontshoot #lifelessons #myjourney #ourlovestory #becoming #selfdiscovery #perserverance #traveljournal #soultripping #schoolofhardknocks #classinsession #rideandthrive #assignment #covering #musingsfromawanderingmind #travelbittenandsmitten #theZuluBrownz #BlackandWanderlust

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SMG is a storyteller, photographer, and founder of Black and Wanderlust™. She captures life’s adventures and quiet moments alike, blending faith, family, and wanderlust into stories that inspire intentional living and authentic joy.