Cocoa Butter Your Own Soul: Sage Wisdom for Healers

by SMG

What nourishes others must first be cultivated. Musea del Cacao, Cahuita, Costa Rica (photo credit: Black and Wanderlust)

Not all “hurt people hurt people.”

Some of us are uniquely called to respond to the cries of inner children.

We are the ones who can hear what is not being said.

We notice the tremble beneath the tone, the guardedness beneath the strength, the silence beneath the anger.

Like cocoa butter pressed gently into tender skin, we salve the wounds of souls. We attempt to mend the fragile pieces of broken spirits with patience instead of pressure. We hold space for fear and sadness. We sit through discomfort. We hold hands through darkness until the first streaks of light appear.

Like mineral-rich soil and careful fertilizer, we nourish roots. We believe in growth from within. We understand that transformation is rarely loud — it is layered, underground, patient.

This work — this ministry of presence — is sacred.

But it is not without cost.

To carry the emotional weight of others requires strength. To stand upright while absorbing the tremors of someone else’s healing requires discernment. And when boundaries blur, the nurturer begins to deplete.

Sometimes the costs outweigh the visible benefits. Sometimes the one who waters forgets she is thirsty. Sometimes the fruit is continually harvested without the soil being replenished.

And even the richest cacao must be cultivated carefully before it can nourish anyone.

Even soil must be replenished. Even healers must heal.

We often assume that being called means being endlessly available. But calling does not cancel capacity. Service does not eliminate limits.

Many women who carry emotional labor quietly experience spiritual and compassion fatigue long before they name it. We overextend in the name of love. We deplete in the name of purpose. We say yes when our roots are already dry.

But even in Scripture, rest was not optional — it was commanded. Even Jesus withdrew. Even creation moves in rhythms of work and restoration.

Obedience includes stewardship of self.

You are not called to rescue at the expense of your own restoration. You are not required to carry what God did not assign you. You are allowed to rest, to be poured into, to grow unseen.

Even fruit must be tended before it can nourish.

Even those who respond to inner children were once children themselves.

Guard your tenderness. Honor your limits. Water your own roots.

The world benefits most from you when you are whole — not when you are exhausted.

Transformational Practice: The Cultivation Pause

Before responding to someone else’s need this week, pause and ask:

• Am I pouring from overflow or depletion?

• Is this mine to carry?

• What does my own soil need right now?

Then choose one act of replenishment:

• Time alone

• Prayer

• Silence

• Movement

• Saying no

• Asking for support

Replenishment is not selfish. It is stewardship.

What does tending your own garden look like in this season? Share your thoughts in the comments or connect with us using #BlackandWanderlust so we can continue the conversation.

#empaths #nurturers #healers #soulwhisperers #baggagehandlers #lightworkers #lovedoctors #rootworkers #healthyself #lovethyself #supportthyself #andothers #healthyboundaries #BlackandWanderlust

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Black and Wanderlust

SMG is an educator, author, and artist who writes, photographs, and designs from a place of faith, curiosity, and wonder. She blends family, adventure, and intentional living into stories and lessons that inspire reflection, spark creativity, and invite readers to walk boldly in their own journey of growth.