Updated: Apr 16
Playa Panama, Costa Rica
Being in love is like leaving all your windows and doors open and allowing someone to explore the inside of you. It is rare and vulnerable. Yet, it is one of the deepest and richest ways to really get to know yourself in the form of another human being. When it is received and reciprocated, it is a soul deposit. It is seed implantation, it is the budding and the blooming; it is fruitful and it is powerful. Falling in love is far more temporary and happenstance, but being in love is a force and a presence. It is how you show up in the world with your partner. It is a "I love her/him, this is my person, I stand up for her/him, and nothing can get between us" kind of bond that with the right material and practice can be indivisible and impenetrable. It is respect and deference. This kind of love is not one in which I would have wanted to dole out to everyone, it is the kind of love that was reserved especially for my husband. When I said "I Do" that's the love I brought as my offering. And of all the people that we could have chosen, we were assigned to walk this walk together.
"Yes, Black love is beautiful and it also recovers, resuscitates, reestablishes, reaffirms , rebuilds, and rewrites the narratives of our ancestors."
Despite growing up hearing messages about black love, I refused to disassociate myself from my black brothers, although it has not always been easy to stay loyal. But if I would have adopted an "all Black dudes are the same" approach to loving black men it would have been detrimental in two major ways. One, it would have robbed me of an opportunity to take accountability for my choices. Meeting someone may be serendipitous, but staying with said person is a decision that comes with consequences like every other and that's a fact. Two, it would not have taken into account that there are many beautiful, handsome, thoughtful, brilliant, divine Black men that are longing to show love and be loved by their Black counterparts. Yes, Black love is beautiful and it also recovers, resuscitates, reestablishes, reaffirms , rebuilds, and rewrites the narratives of our ancestors. There have been many attempts to strip, beat, distract, misdirect, and steer that love away from us; but black love is not antiquated. Black love is thriving, it is strengthening; it is equity, it is wealth sharing. I am proud to be modeling that for our son with my husband. His daily demonstration of leadership, manhood, and fatherhood is monumental to our son's sense of self worth as a black male in this world.
It is also a grave misconception that two people cut from the same cloth do not carry a vast array of differences to share with each other. That same fallacious logic is applied when discrediting the relevancy of HBCUs and other non-integrated institutions. However, our commonalities bind us; there is security and affinity in our alliance. Saying "I love you" to each other, looking at each other, taking each other in gratuitously, is the ultimate self love. It's the "I see you, I see me" kind of affirmation that is hard pressed to be found elsewhere or outside of us. Although on a core level I do believe that love should not be strictly dictated by one's color, there is something uniquely expressed when two parties go beyond simply mating and choose to engage in and experience black love. It is political, it is activism; it is grassroots. Although Black love is not as fictitious as mass media would have us believe, it is definitely a cause worth celebrating.
How do you celebrate the love in your life? Share your stories with us.
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