Updated: May 19
Playa Matapolo, Costa Rica
This may come as breaking news for alot of people, but I am not a "feminist". My height (roughly 5’ 6/7), my build (fluffy/thick), my hue/ lineage (dark skinned/African American), my hair texture (natural kinky/coily), and my assertiveness and resilience (inner strength), have far too often misspoken, misrepresented, and mislabeled me. Throughout my life being an attractive, magnetic, and enigmatic woman was extremely dangerous and I have had to tend to and fend for myself in ways that I am still haunted by. The misconception of my womanhood has landed me in the proverbial and literal ring with highly inflammatory, neglectful, disrespectful, jealous, mentally unstable, and on occasion volatile male counterparts. Despite the cultural/societal conditioning and the reputation of my foremothers to be competitive, more competent, overfunction, outperform, withstand, and overpower men, I never quite fully developed that tough skin that resonated with being in opposition to our brothers. Masculine and feminine polarity exists in all elements of nature; biologically, spiritually and holistically we are an embodiment of both entities. However speaking relationally, we are designed to complement, balance, uplift, and coexist without crushing each other. Protection, provision, and service from men is not simply financial, romantic, or sexual, regardless of my capabilities and capacities as an individual.
" Although we have the same tools at our disposal, the way I choose to employ and express my strengths looks different than some women and most men.”
I have found validation in and learned to lean on my connection with my Father above to heal the roots of an estranged paternal relationship, reverse toxic patterns with men, and repair a broken consciousness of who I am. When I advocate for women's equality, I am not proposing that women should be treated exactly like men. What I do believe is that women should be allowed to decide for, define, exhibit, and be ourselves without being subjugated to the ill wills of overzealous men and/or the systematic oppression of a society that consistently defiles our nature. There is no one size fit all model to femininity or womanhood. Although we have the same tools at our disposal, the way I choose to employ and express my strengths looks different than some women and most men. Vulnerability is not synonymous with weakness, security and safety are invaluable in an intimate relationship, receiving aid and support is not codependency or neediness. I choose to embrace the fullness of my natural beauty, my calming/engaging presence, my soft exterior/aesthetics, my pleasant voice, my sweetness, my leadership, my creativity, my intuition/wisdom, and my inner confidence and fearlessness. I choose to invite rather than demand. I choose to surrender rather than fight. I choose to manifest rather than manipulate. And I choose to enjoy partnership with a gentleman that is strong, capable, and powerful enough in his own right to sometimes advise/redirect me, sometimes cover/shield me, and sometimes envelop me in a loving embrace when needed. That is my preference.
What parts of self are you resurrecting, BlackandWanderlust? Share your stories with us.
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