Updated: May 19
Siquirres, Costa Rica
I had a bipolar relationship with time for as long as I can remember. Always existing somewhere in the space between rushing and moving too slow; jockeying between overspending time and not allocating enough, negotiating with time in constant dissonance between procrastinating and managing. As a spiritualist, I know that time is an essential element for manifestation; as a Believer, I know that although things are always working in our favor they are still subject to God's timing. So what to do with all this time while we are in the period of waiting for the Universe to deliver? Living abroad has expanded my appreciation for the rainy contemplative waiting seasons. Here when it rains it pours, the “Ticos” don’t curse the rain. Instead they pull over to the side of the road and wait patiently because intuitively they know that with enough time, the rain will dissipate and the sun will return again. Rainbows, the sweetest fruits, the greenest produce, replenished streams lakes and waterfalls are the products of abundant rainfall. With enough time seeds implanted will sprout, plants that have been nurtured will blossom. Both rainy and dry seasons are necessary for regeneration and procreation.
Mustard seed sized faith has parted seas and moved mountains. But how do you surrender and trust when you have experienced hurt, trauma, and brokenness as a result of past trial and errors? Dwelling in those failures and constantly looking backwards is a debilitating distraction and a stagnating waste of time. In fact, most often reverse traveling retriggers circumstances already granted closure from, reopens wounds already created scar tissue around and reintroduces negative voices already silenced to the cerebral forefront. Self reflection and understanding patterns is key to breaking cycles and healing, yes. But once that connection is made, it is time to move forward. Awareness, forgiveness, education, patience are powerful tools for self actualization. Forward moving takes deliberate rewiring, intentional resetting, conscious reinventing, not recycling.
" Forward moving takes deliberate rewiring, intentional resetting, conscious reinventing, not recycling."
What I am requesting, better yet summoning from the Universe, is more time ahead. The vision in front is grand and expansive. I want the time to see our marriage actualize as God’s plans for us continually reveals, unfolds and materializes. I want time to grow alongside my husband until we are both full headed grays, all the while laughing, holding hands, dancing, traveling, growing wiser, getting stronger and more resilient with each time passage. I want time to harvest the fruits of more and more seasons of teaching, guiding, nurturing, nudging, raising our son into manhood. And even more time to witness his walk and the ways in which he will contribute to and change the world, his fruitfulness replicated in more generations of us. I want more time to watch God's grace in real time as even more of our dreams manifest, more of our “no ways” turn to “hell yeahs” as we keep evolving, keep uplifting, keep going. I want the prizes that are promised by focus, patience, consistency and effort, I want return on my cumulative investments. I want to yield compound interest. We have already been granted permission to be magnificent, how much is on us.
It's been awhile BlackandWanderlust, how has time been treating ya'll? Share your stories with us.
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