Updated: Apr 16
San Jose, Costa Rica
Admittedly, I have spent an unusual amount of time in my own head. For as long as I can recall, I have been a daydreamer. My ability to physically be in one place but mentally be light years away served as a superpower for me in school, in awkward group settings, on long commutes, in boring staff meetings, in toxic relationships, and in some of my loneliest and most frightening moments. Throughout my childhood, outside of close friends and my immediate family, I very rarely needed others’ company. My alone time was a privilege and a wonderland and I loved to freely wander off to some far place in my imagination or drift off to roam guilt free inside my own thoughts. Likely a byproduct of my introversion, daydreaming has fueled my writing, my poetry, my individuality, and my art. Being able to detach my mind from my body always felt like a secret weapon or a foolproof escape plan and one layer of my personality that I could access whenever I needed a quick getaway.
Daydreaming can be a wonderful resource especially when your thoughts are positive and optimistic. Fantasizing has taken me higher than I could ever set consciousness upon, beyond any limitations, way past tangibles and concretes. By way of teleporting in my mind I can see bigger, better, farther than my current reality and has often been my method for blooming wherever I am planted. Many of my proudest moments were first created in my visions and imagination. The problem, sometimes, with being a daydreamer is that it's very easy to lose focus of the present, to be distracted. Always thinking of that next, better or best thing, person, place, or idea often also means that you are not completely participating in what is happening right in front of you. It is easy to miss and misplace things, misunderstand, skip over details, forget to remember to live in the moment, to forgo the experience.
" Daydreaming was my version of being numb and inactive in my own existence."
What living abroad has mostly taught me is a deep and profound appreciation for time and the present. Daydreaming was my version of being numb and inactive in my own existence. Things that could happen around me, could also happen to me and were happening while my head was in the clouds. My mind and body disconnect was becoming a disability, a handicap; however, at this point, I have outgrown its usefulness. Daydreaming is morphing into intention setting, affirming, soul tapping and pulling myself back to the present when I feel myself drifting. Through being connected, I can feel feelings I have never truly felt before like joy and contentment as well as panic and anger. I hold space for all of my emotions and sometimes it feels crazy to connect to myself so intently, to be so conscious/aware/awake, to be so plugged in, to engage all of my senses. It also feels healthier and more pleasurable to be this intentional, to experience, to say yes, to be in the now.
I smell flowers different, I am fascinated by moon shifts and star sightings. I coexist with and among other living things with awe, curiosity, and appreciation. I sit quietly under stars, under cloud covers, under rainbows, under moon lights, under sun rays, under arms on chest, under blankets and sometimes just ride the rhythm of my partner's breath. I am deliriously delighted by the simplest things. I capture these moments in my memories and in my heart like Polaroids, proof of our existence. There is a gift to the present, being present, sharing your presence, especially when it feels like this. I am actively enjoying the life that in some ways is better than my daydreams; I no longer wish to physically run away or mentally escape from living. It is possible to be content while elevating. It is possible to be close to others and hold onto myself. Understanding that I am always where I need to be is powerful and freeing. Knowing this gives me the permission to just be. Universal law and God have already committed to acting in my favor; it is my calling to be observant and recognize the doors and miracles opening and unfolding for me. 2019, experiencing it all, eyes wide open.
How's the new year treating you? Share your stories with us.
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